The Embrace of Grace!

My pregnancy with my daughter Zoe was a different one. I was not married! I have always been married when I was pregnant. I experienced a type of bullying of sorts from my boss where I worked, and also my freshly ex-husband, along with total strangers and people I had once considered friends.

My heart started to become tender towards people who are different or aren't following a socially acceptable way of life. I realized how much easier it is to be judgemental than to sit down and get to know a person before jumping to conclusions.

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And then I started to become sorrowful. How many times had I turned a judging eye towards someone, because their life was at a crossroads? Did I stop to think there may be a story that led to them to that place?



I placed my trust, my acceptance, my everything in the hands of the One who doesn't throw stones. I knew I had made a poor choice. The consequence of mine happened to be more visible than others. I really did not need constant reminding of my poor choice. I needed love, acceptance, hugs ,grace, and forgiveness.

I started not attending church anymore because of the judging and harsh looks. I was made to feel like a giant ministry need, with a great big bulls eye target on my back. It was easier to stay home.

The things my ex would say to me, when I would pick up my kids from him on our weekly exchange, were appalling although spiritually immature. I learned to chalk it up as yet another reason I was glad it was over between us. God has since performed a miracle in that area, but that is a whole different story that I will share later on.

My dreams seemed to be put on halt. My life as I knew it and had planned it had to be changed in order to accommodate this miracle of life growing inside of me. Why did so many not focus on this aspect...that I had chosen life? I will never understand! There were sacrifices I made, directions I took that I did for the survival of myself and children. A lot of pride was stripped away during this process.... Spiritual and religious. It was replaced with a healthy pride. Knowing that even if others could not see it, God saw my heart. He saw my repentance. He saw the change. He saw my resolution to.....

Quietly, I endured disrespect. The angry eye brow look of the high and mighty. And when the disrespect came to me in my own home, following through visitors, after the birth of my daughter...I felt "IT".....the Embrace of Grace!...

I have never experienced such comfort, such warmth, such unconditional love. I had just been rejected, yet He was accepting me with open arms! Wrapping me in his arms, letting me know He saw what I was going through and I was not enduring it alone! I knew my Daddy was proud of me, the labor, the graceful responses to rudeness! I looked around, and no one was there, oh but Someone was! He saw that as much as I could do in my present situation, I was trying to stay at peace with everyone. I did not want the word of God to be evil spoken of!  God honored me, with a spiritual hug that I will treasure for a lifetime.

We are married now. The former things have been done away with to be remembered no more. Behold He is doing a new thing ( Is. 43: 16-19).  I treasure all the lessons I learned, in my heart..... as Mary did. The lessons of rejection and acceptance were bearable, because I knew He was with me.

 Zoe is now a beautiful little 2 1/2 year old  girl with a heart of gold. I could not be more blessed. She is healthy and smart! She learned to sign at an early age because loud noises frightened her. She hated her own cry! She wanted to communicate, be loved and praised for her accomplishments! She didn't want to be scolded for falling down while learning to walk! There is more to her than her foibles....so much more..that I am blessed with a lifetime to discover.
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